SHINING, GLEAMING, STREAMING, FLAXEN, WAXEN

Could our long national nightmare be traced back to Donald Trump’s hair?  Men react differently to hair loss.  Personally, I’ve chosen to ignore mine.  I wash whatever’s left up there and get on with my day.  Other men shave their heads when the start going bald, or wear toupees.  Some try medical interventions like transplants, lotions, or pills.  Donald Trump is a pill guy.

Which brings us to the weirdest story of the month, even though it’s only May 3, and even though the story concerns events that happened fifteen months ago.  I’m referring to the raid Donald Trump launched on the office of his doctor, Harold Bornstein.  Trump sent his private bodyguard Keith Schiller, plus one of his lawyers and a third unidentified goon, to Bornstein’s office to take Trump’s medical records away from his doctor. 

Bornstein says that Trump had accounts under several fake names as well as his real name.  Why would a patient use multiple identities with the same doctor?  And why would the doctor go along with it?  Makes me wonder if Bornstein was Trump’s candyman, over-prescribing some drugs to meet Trump’s demand and using fake names to avoid arousing suspicion.  At any rate, Trump’s henchmen took the pseudonymous records too.

As I understand it, Trump was entitled to COPIES of his medical records if he requested them, but the originals belonged to Dr. Bornstein.  But Donald Trump didn’t bother to submit a request.  His hired muscle showed up at Bornstein’s office and simply took what they wanted.  

It’s hard to feel sympathy for Bornstein, who cuts a faintly ridiculous figure and didn’t help his reputation when, in December, 2015, he released a letter attesting that candidate Trump’s "physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.  If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency."

Now Bornstein claims that Trump dictated that letter himself.  Since the language is very Trump-like, the allegation is believable.  But what kind of doctor just signs off on whatever nonsense his patient writes?  Makes me wonder if Bornstein is a doctor in the same way that Michael Cohen is a lawyer.  They both seem like guys who had one main client (who often used aliases).

The Bornstein raid took place on February 3, 2017, two days after Bornstein revealed that Trump was taking Propecia (aka Finasteride) to prevent hair loss.  Why might that be a big deal?  The drug has side effects, and the symptoms can persist indefinitely even after discontinuing the drug.  Those symptoms include erectile dysfunction, chronic depression, insomnia, weight gain, and confusion. 

Makes me wonder if Trump’s mental decline might be at least partially attributable to his long-term use of Propecia.  Meanwhile, Trump’s hair marches on.

And that concludes the story of Harold Bornstein, the latest chapter in the ongoing melodrama called “Everything Trump Touches Dies.”