I JUST DROPPED IN TO SEE WHAT CONDITION MY CONDITION WAS IN

There are competing theories about Donald Trump’s health.  According to Trump himself, he’s in great shape, a fine figure of a man, straight out of central casting, healthiest president in history.  A good looking, very stable genius who will probably outlive Methuselah. 

That’s what you get when you let a narcissist summarize his own medical exam.  The other thing you get is a healthy dose of skepticism from everyone outside the White House inner circle.  Especially people who have watched and listened to him.

Donald Trump neither sounds nor looks like he’s in great shape.  In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if he’ll make it to election day 2020.  Not long ago, Trump was trying to sound presidential about the recent massacres in El Paso and Toledo.  Or maybe it was Dayton.  Who can tell those Ohio towns apart, right?  Thoughts and prayers to both places, just to make sure. 

But apart from garbling the location of the latest shooting, he was clearly having trouble forming words at all.  It was as though his tongue stopped cooperating.  It’s a symptom associated with some forms of dementia.  As I watch Trump’s ongoing cognitive decline, it’s getting harder and harder to imagine him going through the rigors of a typical presidential campaign next year. 

I’m obviously not the first person to notice this, and there’s been quite a bit of speculation about the cause of his decline.  The most persuasive analysis I’ve seen suggests Adderall abuse.  Adderall would account for some of his obvious symptoms, including dilated pupils and sniffing. 

But it’s worth remembering that Trump’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s towards the end of his life.  Maybe this is nothing more than heredity kicking in.

Whatever the reason, Trump’s verbal fluency is deteriorating perceptibly.  If you’ve tuned him out (not that I blame you), consider listening to recent clips again – not for content, but for his speech patterns. You will hear that he’s slurring his words more frequently.  His vocabulary is shrinking, and he compensates by repeating words and phrases. 

Trump is already struggling to answer questions coherently.  Based on his responses at recent press conferences, his strategy seems to be to wait until he hears a familiar word and then riffs on it.  Here are a couple of recent examples. 

When asked for a comment on the anniversary of the Warsaw Uprising, the only thing Trump could come up with was: "I have a lot of respect for Poland, and as you know the people of Poland like me. And I like them. And I'm going to be going to Poland fairly soon."  I’ll give him half a point for connecting Warsaw with Poland, but he obviously had no clue about the Warsaw Uprising, and used the question to praise himself. 

 At a press conference with the President of Mongolia, Trump latched onto a memory from his visit to a Japanese sumo arena back in May: “Mongolia -- they're great fighters. You know, they're great fighters, great wrestlers, great champions. Right? And we have the grand champion of sumo wrestling with us from a couple of years ago. And he's here from Mongolia. I was told that in Japan, actually, that they've had four grand champions from Mongolia. So they're great, great fighters. Your people are great fighters. Thank you very--we need great fighters too."

[Speaking of great Mongolian fighters, let us pause to consider the example of Genghis Khan, yet another guy who has done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more.  Nevertheless, his career ought to be a cautionary tale for Trump and others obsessed with building a wall on our southern border.  When Genghis Khan decided it was time to take down the Jin Dynasty in the early 13th century, he breached the Great Wall of China multiple times in multiple places.  No wall Trump could imagine, much less build, would be more effective today than the Great Wall of China was then.  It’s a good thing for us that none of our real enemies are planning to launch an invasion from Mexico.  All they’d have to do is hire a platoon of Mongolian mercenaries, and the Great Wall of Trump would come tumbling down.] 

 But I digress.  My point is that, fifteen months before the presidential election, Trump is already spewing word salad.  Next year at this time, when the presidential debate season begins in earnest, he’s likely to be even less coherent. 

 I can’t imagine the Trump camp agreeing to debates next year.  It’s not simply that Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg (or whoever) would be better debaters.  After all, Hillary Clinton was a better debater than Trump in 2016.  Trump’s base could care less about vocabulary and logic.  The hardcore MAGA crowd will cheer if he recites Mary Had A Little Lamb, even if he gets the words wrong.  QAnon will explain that it’s some fiendishly clever code.  But I wonder how they’d react if he had a major meltdown in front of a national TV audience.

 Trump’s physical condition should also worry his followers.  He’s obviously gaining weight.  At times he’s exhibited an irregular gait, wobbling a bit when he walks, appearing to drag one leg, and relying heavily on his podium for support during his rallies.        

 These symptoms first surfaced early in his presidency, and at that point I assumed that Trump’s kids would intervene if things got too bad.  I was wrong.  As long as there’s money to be made, the Trump clan will prop up Dad’s gibbering carcass at Deplorable rallies, and hope that Putin can help them drag him across the finish line.

We’ll know for sure that something’s up if Team Trump announces preemptively that Trump won’t participate in any debates with Pocahontas, Sleepy Joe, or whoever the eventual Democratic nominee turns out to be, and will only sit for heavily edited interviews with Sean Hannity. 

Since it appears that at least a third of the electorate would cast a vote for Donald Trump even if he were in a persistent vegetative state, and maybe even if he were dead, we have our work cut out for us.

Democrats will fight among themselves, because that’s how primaries work, and also how Democrats work.  But for all their flaws, Pocahontas, Sleepy Joe, and the rest of them aren’t the bad guys. 

Eyes on the prize, people.