AND THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR DANCING IN THE STREETS

Donald Trump predicted riots in the streets if Biden won.  Sure enough, there was a lot of street action when the networks finally called the election, but it was more like the fall of Pinochet, or when the Berlin Wall came down.  The word “celebration” doesn’t quite do it justice.

Oh, there were some disturbances during the interminable stretch between Wednesday and Friday, but they were Republican riots, as MAGA types did their best to intimidate poll workers. 

Will Trump leave peacefully?  Who knows?  The terms of his departure are the last real bargaining chip he has left.  I’ll say this – Trump’s not a fighter.  He’s a bully and a cheat, but he won’t stand and fight. 

To be sure, it wouldn’t matter if he did.  Joe Biden will become president when he’s sworn in on January 20.  If it were me, I’d be tempted to spend the first couple of weeks at Camp David while a hazmat team fumigated the White House.

If anyone close to Trump really cared about him, they’d begin slipping tranquilizers into his Diet Cokes, a little more each day, until he zoned out.  But his pack of grifters are too busy squeezing the last dollars out of their followers to take care of dad.  And of course, with the possible exception of Ivanka, the feeling is probably mutual.  Trump would sell any of them out in a heartbeat to save his own skin.

It’s fun to fantasize about Trump being forcibly removed, kicking and screaming, from the White House.  My dream scenario, should it come to that, is that federal marshals bring some K-9 units to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  Give them an article of Trump’s clothing to sniff, and say sic ‘em.  Trump is phobic about dogs; he’d run screaming at the sight of a couple of german shepherds heading his way.

If I had to bet, though, my guess is that one of the following two scenarios will play out.  Most likely, Trump will eventually be persuaded that a new career as glorious martyr-cum-media magnate is his best case scenario, and that he’ll leave the White House early to plot his revenge.  He’ll spend inauguration day sulking at Mar A Lago.  Maybe they’ll stage a boat parade for him.

Or – and I’m not exactly predicting this, but it wouldn’t shock me, either – I think it’s highly likely that Trump will try to negotiate a pardon (or series of pardons) from Mike Pence.  I don’t know if Pence will bite, and it will be interesting to see how he plays the interregnum with an eye to 2024.  But if Trump resigns with a pardon, Pence would become 46, albeit only for a few days or weeks, depending on the timing of the pardon.  Then on January 20, Biden would become president number 47.

Something to consider if you’re buying Biden 46 merch.  Of course, this scenario might make those Biden 46 items more valuable.  Can’t go wrong either way; be the first on your block to collect ‘em all.